The Daniel Handler Interview (Cameo by Howard Junker)

Daniel Handler is the author of The Basic Eight, Watch Your Mouth and Adverbs and also occasionally plays the accordion with The Magnetic Fields. His alter ego Lemony Snicket has written a series of books for children titled the Unfortunate Events. We sat down to talk before Handler was a participant (with Lynn Breedlove) in Michelle Tea’s Radar Salon Series at the Three Dollar Bill Café where you can get a decent Caesar Salad for under five dollars. Daniel answered my questions and gave me updates on the characters in the Unfortunate Events series. This interview would have been damn near impossible without the kind folks of Dublit.com.

Sona Avakian: So you’re Daniel Handler?
Daniel Handler: Yes.
SA: Or you’re Lemony Snicket.
DH: Yes
SA:Or you’re his representative.
DH: Yes.
SA: You’re both. All three.
DH: Well it depends on how you look at it I guess.
SA: I saw a little clip on the Internet on YouTube of you doing a pitch for Obama. Is it true though, that Lemony Snicket is campaigning for McCain?
DH: No, I haven’t heard that. I can’t think of anyone decent and noble who would campaign for McCain.
SA: So Snicket is not campaigning for McCain.
DH: No, that much I know.
SA: That is so good to know. Now, about Beatrice, how close were you to Beatrice?
DH: Me? Not very close at all.
SA: Do you happen to know which First Lady she most admired?
DH: Which First Lady she admired?
SA: Yeah, it’s a political blog, so . . . Bess Truman?
DH: I am so far away from that question. Well I would guess Dolly Madison because she had unusual relationships with men in power and so did Dolly Madison. But whethether or not Dolly was technically a first lady is always open for debate.
SA: Why do you say that?
DH: She wasn’t married to James Madison. I think she was his niece. But she was the first lady in that she was the hostess of the White House.
SA: I think we can call her the First Lady.
DH: I think Madison was the only bachelor.
SA: No, That was Buchanan. I know that from ‘Welcome Back Kotter.’ I think Dolly Madison was the one who carried the stuff out of the burning White House.
DH: Then James Madison was a widower. Most of what I know of Dolly Madison is from the work of Miss Manners who is either Judith Martin or the representative of Miss Manners depending on how you look at it.
SA: Are the Baudelaire kids okay?
DH: Last I heard. I mean okay is kind of a relative term.
SA: Yeah, okay could just mean in perpetual . . . sleep.
DH: Right.
SA: An eleven-year-old girl recently said to me, “When you are reading Lemony Snicket book, the words on the page are like magnets to the eyes." Did Snicket intend to write books that are magnets to kids eyes?
DH: That’s such a difficult metaphor to unpack. That’s why I like it that’s a talented eleven-year-old girl.
SA: Isn’t she though?
DH: Because I’m sure that magnets don’t have any affect on the eyes.
SA: Unless they’re magnetic.
DH: Or metal.

Suddenly I’m aware that someone has been shouting my name and ‘Caesar Salad’ for a quite a while.
SA: [To the counter] I think that was my salad! I’ll be there in a minute.
DH: I don’t think anything is going to happen to that salad.
SA: I hope not.
DH: So the question was did he intend for them to be magnetic? I think the magnetism could be attribute to the same kind of magnetism when there’s a car wreck or a really embarrassing moment on television that you can’t stop looking at. That wouldn’t necessarily mean they’re magnetic or appropriate for your age.
SA: If the conflict of good versus evil finally resolves itself, what do you think will happen to the state of literature?
DH: I think if conflict between good and evil resolves itself, we’ll have so much on minds that I don’t think the state of literature will make the top one hundred thousand even among the literary fanatics.
SA: That sounds like you’re thinking evil is going to triumph. I was sort of hoping for the other way around.
DH: I think it was Borges who said that heaven is a kind of library.


At this point silver haired man wearing a pastel apricot sweater came into the café and caught Daniel’s eye. Daniel waved.
SA: Is that your Dad?
DH: No, that’s Howard Junker of ZYZZYVA Magazine.
Howard Junker made his way through the crowded café to our table.
HJ (to me): Were you at the gym at Koret this morning?
SA: Me? No. I was not at the gym at Koret this morning.
HJ: Okay, I’m Howard Junker. May I join you?
SA: Sure.
DH: Yes of course.
SA: Nice to meet you.
Howard sits down.
DH: We were just doing a brief interview.
SA: Esme Squalor? Can you give us an update on her life?
DH: An update on her life?
SA: Yeah, how’s she’s doing?
DH: Well Esme Squalor strikes me as the kind of person who would say she’s doing well regardless of how she’s doing. So out of loyalty to her own worldview, I would have to say she’s doing well.
Howard gets up to leave.
SA: Sorry Howard.
HJ: May I take a picture of you guys? I’ll take it from far away.

Then kind young man employed by The Three Dollar Bill Cafe brought my salad to the table. I really should’ve tipped better.

SA: So who’s going to show up at the Makeout Room? Daniel Handler or Snicket?
DH: For me the most important thing about the Makeout room is that I’ve heard it’s where Prince plays his after-shows, whenever he’s in town so the question about the Makeout room from my point of view, is if Prince is going to play?
SA: What is the relationship between Lemony Snicket and Count Olaf?
DH: Nemeses.
SA: They’re nemeses to each other? Is that the correct plural, nemeses?
DH: I’m pretty sure.
SA: I hope most people don’t have more than one.
SA: Do you remember this? I've been avoiding ice cream cones.



DH: It was a promotional set of magnets released by Harper Collins in 1999, and you are encouraged to take the magnets apart.
SA: No, I would never do that. I think this is going to be worth money on eBay someday.
DH: Maybe someday.
SA: The foresight I had to purchase this at Clean Well Lighted.
DH: In 1999? [Clue that Prince will be at the next Progressive Reading.]
SA: I think it was 2001. [Clue that he might not.]

Then Daniel looked at my sheet of paper where I had scribbled some questions.
SA: I’m not going to ask you all of these. I have to save some for the Q&A. Michelle said.
DH: I wasn’t looking at them.
He was. Probably begging for the end and I really didn’t want to take up too much of his time, Howard Junker waiting to talk with him and all.
SA: So Interview officially over. Will you sign my book?
RECORDER: Click

We chatted for a few minutes about these topics: Daniel’s first appearance at The Progressive Reading Series, JT Leroy (he never shows up!), and Manhattan hipsters before Daniel excused himself to go talk to Howard Junker and I dug into my salad.

Daniel Handler will be at the Progressive Reading Series on September 20th. Also hitting the stage during the course of the night will be Aimee Bender, Jane Ganahl, Glen David Gold, Katie Crouch, Mariel a la Mode and maybe Prince.

Mariel a la Mode

Mariel a la Mode is joining the September 20 Progressive Reading with her unique blend of singing and striptease!

West of Kabul, East of New York

Tamim Ansary's book, West of Kabul, East of New York has been chosen to be San Francisco's One City One Book read for 2008. Here is some praise West of Kabul, East of New York has garned:

“A book that steadies our skittering compass...It speaks with a modesty of tone and is all the more resonant for that reason....[It] sees things we cannot make out, and need to.” —The New York Times

“[An] emotional and moving memoir, driven by passion and intelligence...It breaks the heart.”
—The Times-Picayune (New Orleans)

In conjunction, the San Francisco Public Library has many events lined up. Please join us for a book mob at the Ferry Building on September 6, 11:45 am. Bring your copy of West of Kabul, East of New York. And if you can't make that, check here for more events.

Larry Kissel

The September 20 reading features Aimee Bender, Daniel Handler, Glen David Gold, Jane Ganahl, and Katie Crouch. Funds raised at the door will go to support Larry Kissell, running for North Carolina's 8th District congressional seat against pro-torture incumbent Robin Hayes. We're going to have to collect everybody's information at the door: Name, address, and employer, unless you pay in advance, in which case you can go right in and grab yourself a seat.

Cities Helping Each Other

So many sterling moments at last night’s Progressive Reading it’s hard to know where to start. It was great to see so many former Progressive readers in the standing room only Makeout Room (bring your own chairs, for god sakes!), Starlee Kine in town from New York made it a point to stop by, and Rachel Howard, Caroline Paul, Sarah Fran Wisby were all there; mutual love all around. Stephen read his letter (see it below and Stephen’s post on The Huffington Post) from Mayor Bill White of Houston. Thanks goodness for progressive thinking.

Tom Barbash kicked off the reading with a story from his forthcoming collection, about a divorced mother and her son who was being hit on by an easy restaurant hostess, an older woman. About the age the women’s ex-husband is dating and she’s not happy about it. He still collects rare stamps the mother told the easy hostess. He’s a baby. “No he isn’t.” the easy hostess replied. Poor Mom. Next Matthew Eck cracked us up with a story whose narrators bluff his way into a teaching position at an Ivy League university using Chekhov’s CV. Made me wonder if any of my own professors had tried something like that.

We love April Sinclair. First she was willing to pinch-hit at the last minute, then she honored Bernie Mac, then she read a story about trying to be a cool mom and hearing about girl kissing! And then she read about her no-good nephew who had to be pried off the couch and was banned from the house. My sides were splitting, but it was just another day in the Sinclair family, apparently.

Ali Wong cracked us up. “Oh Progressive Reading Series, you’re all so serious. Girls with bangs and glasses, Rainbow Grocery employees smelling of hummus and privilege!” Her story of Disneyland rides that simulate the landscape of California reminded me I’ve never been to Disneyland/World and I’m going to keep it that way. Like most horrible things, they're hilarious to hear about.

All Star Minstrels sang an ironic version of a folk song made popular by the Pogues. Davy Rothbart read a story about pulling pranks on his deaf mother that were so horrible and devious I was embarrassed for him, yet very impressed. What a terror that kid was. In the end, though, his mom got the last laugh and Davy grew up to be one of the kindest people you’d ever be lucky to meet.

In his third (third, people!), Progressive Reading appearance and proving that recycling in Houston is as important as Shakespeare in Santa Cruz, Jonathan Franzen railed on technology and how it can actually make life more difficult. I knew just what he meant. My cell phone had been beeping at me all day for absolutely no reason. Stephen ended the night by telling us we raised $1,729, which equals 276 bins for Houston. Next month on September 20th: Daniel Handler, Jane Ganahl, Aimee Bender, Glen David Gold, and Katie Crouch. Don’t forget your chair or cushion.

The Huffington Post

Last night's Progressive Reading on the Huffington Post.

The Tom Barbash Interview: He has substance and style!

Tom Barbash is the author of On Top of the World: Cantor Fitzgerald, Howard Lutnick and 9/11: a Story of Loss and Renewal and The Last Good Chance. He is from Manhattan, lives now in San Francisco and I'd vote for him.

PRS: Tell me about the first time you voted in a presidential election.
TB: My first voting experience was for Walter Mondale who I so badly wanted to beat Reagan. Mondale was decent, honest, a bit on the dull side and would have made an infinitely better president.
I recall being amazed at what a landslide it was considering that virtually everyone I knew in my New York City and Haverford College circles mocked Reagan, and Nancy's reliance on psychics, etc. I never saw his appeal, and never did until George Bush came around and made Reagan seem regal in comparison.

PRS: What, if any, was the first political scandal that had you glued to the television, or that you followed pretty closely? Can you explain your fascination with it?
TB: Watergate, though I didn't entirely understand it. I remember being at my uncle's beach house over the summer and everyone was watching these hearings and I knew it was great drama, and I knew the bad guys were getting in trouble, and that pleased my parents and pleased me. We all hated Nixon and Agnew. My fascination had to do with the concept of an evil president, titillating stuff for a kid raised on stories of Washington, Lincoln, and Roosevelt.

PRS: You've seen the Paris Hilton fightback? What do you think of the mixture of celebrity in politics? I have to admit I found the line "I'll see you at the debates, bitches" funny.
TB: I think celebrity is being used as a substitute for attractive, and well-liked. The myth promulgated by people as ill at ease in their own skin as McCain is, is that the smoothies like Barack must lack substance. But maybe its their substance that makes them so attractive.

PRS: Mr. Smith Goes To Washington? Have you ever seen that? Do you think there is place for a decent and honest politicians in American politics, and that they'll prevail?
TB: I think there's a place for an ESSENTIALLY decent and honest person, but it seems as though if you want to win you have to play tough, and compromise occasionally, and you have to raise money. The trick is not to bend so far in the opposite direction that you become unrecognizable - as the cranky old senator from Arizona has this campaign season.

If YOU have any questions you'd like to ask Tom Barbash or any of our August authors, come to the Makeout Room Saturday night, August 16 at 7p.m. The rest of the lineup includes last minute and very exciting addition April Sinclair, all the way from Ann Arbor, Davy Rothbart, author of The Farther Shore, Matthew Eck and headliner Jonathan Franzen! All for the low price of ten to twenty dollars. Plus we're helping Houston with their recycling issues. What more could you really ask for a on Saturday night?

Late Addition!

As if you needed more incentive to solve Houston's recycling problem, we were able to set up a late additon to Saturday's already kick-ass line up of readers: April Sinclair, author of the critically acclaimed (and award winning) bestseller, Coffee Will Make You Black. April has been confronting—and making fantastic literature from—issues like race, gender, and sexuality for years. Not to mention, she's from Chicago, which automatically makes her the coolest reader on the bill (sorry Davy, Ann Arbor's OK too).

As always, you can buy tickets in advance right here.

AN INTERVIEW WITH DAVY ROTHBART



Davy Rothbart makes FOUND Magazine, contributes stories to This American Life, and wrote a book of stories called The Lone Surfer of Montana, Kansas. He also writes frequently for GQ, SLAM, and The Believer. If you've found something cool, please send it to him at his parents' house -- details at foundmagazine.com

This interview was conducted despite jetlag (at least two time zones apiece), technical difficulties (both of us), and a misremembered password (me). Davy Rothbart will be reading for Houston's recycling program on August 16th at the Makeout Room, along with Tom Barbash, Michelle Tea, Jonathan Franzen, Matthew Eck and with comedy by Ali Wong.

SA: Has anyone ever bribed you for your vote?

DR: In 4th grade, my friend David Pfeiffer spent weeks circulating a petition among our schoolmates, trying to finagle more recess for all of us. About half of our school had already signed it, and David believed that if me and another friend of ours named Blair Austin got on board, the rest of the kids in school would follow suit. I'm not sure it would've worked out like that, but that was David's thought at the time.

He stayed overnight at my house one weekend, and spent the whole time hectoring me to sign the petition. What kind of red-blooded American boy could possibly be opposed to such a proposal? Me, I guess. I mean, recess was cool and all, but our teachers were pretty cool, too, and I liked the shit they were teaching us. I didn't really think we needed more recess. I was in a tight spot. On one hand, David Pfeiffer was bound to keep haranguing me until I signed the damn thing; he even offered me bribes -- a dollar, a Jolly Rancher, a 1979 Topps Carlton Fisk. When the bribes didn't budge me, he tried threats, which had a bit more power to melt my convictions. But on the other hand, more recess meant more opportunities to be pummeled by the big kids in Dodgeball, and ultimately, I couldn't in good faith sign the petition. So I did the only thing I could do... I did, in fact, what many other policy-makers might've done if Congress was held in their basement. I snuck the petition out of David Pfeiffer's backpack, ripped it to shreds, and tossed it in the bathroom trashcan. Then an hour later when he started freaking out thinking he'd lost the thing, I led him to the bathroom and sheepishly pointed out to him what I'd done with it.

On Monday, at lunchtime recess, he made good on his threats and beat me up with cement-filled nunchuks. There's two morals to this story. One, more recess is always good. Two, if anyone offers you their 1979 Topps Carlton Fisk to sign a petition, take the catcher and run.

SA: Wow, that's a great story. Do you know what sort of career David Pfeiffer has had? How did that experience affect what you learned about policy?

DR: Ya know, I'm not really sure what happened to Pfeiffer, and I can't say it affected my policy education. but I remember one other thing about David Pfeiffer...My last name, Rothbart has the unusual property that you can change a single consonant and end up with either Rothbarf or Rothfart, and plenty of my grade school classmates made that discovery; as far as invoking those nicknames goes, they voted early and often. But David Pfeiffer, after the petition incident, always called me a new name, which to this day I still marvel at for its catchiness and cleverness despite being so unclever. He simply called me Rothcrap.

SA: This money raised at this month's Progressive will raise funds to donate recycling bins to the city of Houston. Have you ever been to Houston? Did you find anything interesting there? What's the best thing someone has sent you from Houston that’s ended up in the magazine?

DR: Houston is like home to me! It’s awesome that this event will benefit Houston’s recycling program. We've received a ton of amazing finds from Houston over the years. I fear, though, that once we hook up all these new recycling bins, the kinds of notes and papers that folks used to find strewn in the street will now be more properly disposed of and the Houston finds will dwindle!

One particularly memorable find was given to me in Houston by a 120-year-old man. I was doing some radio reporting after Hurricane Katrina, talking to storm refugees at the Astrodome in Houston. This old guy - the oldest guy I’ve ever met in my life - we started talking for a while, and he gave me a stack of papers he'd carried with him from New Orleans. He'd mistakenly believed he was rescuing his own treasured mementos and letters, but they turned out to have belonged to this neighbor whose home had been washed away. It was a series of love letters between a woman in New Orleans and her husband, an air force pilot stationed in Korea. Months later, I managed to track down the woman, this old guy's former neighbor, and return the letters.

SA: I’m sure the good people of Houston will continue to send in their finds and that you’ve received many items from cities that do recycle. What sort of sense of place do you get from places you've never been to based on what people have sent you?

DR: The thing I'm most often struck by is the similarities between the
finds we receive, even from vastly different places. Whether someone's in Madagascar, Maine, or Mississippi, they seem to be
dealing with the same kinds of general issues in their lives --love, family, work, and the new Dilated Peoples record.

SA: Did you find anything interesting on your recent trips, to 29 Palms or in Pittsburgh?

DR: My friend Nikki Kemp in Pittsburgh gave me this pretty awesome find yesterday. It's some torn up pieces of a typed letter between friends; she only found enough scraps of it to piece together
certain fragments of the letter. Most of them seem to deal with some questions about a home mortgage, but then out of nowhere there's an invitation to come to D.C. for Thanksgiving and watch porno flicks! Like the best found notes, the actual story is elusive, just out of reach, but there's enough hints there to spark our curiosity and let our imaginations run wild.

SA: Can you give us hint of what we're going to be hearing you read on the 16th?

DR:I’ll either read a piece of mine that's already aired on This American Life called "Nibble, Lick, Suck, and Feast" (those critical words were bleeped out when the piece aired) or this other new piece called "Bigger and Deafer" that is due to air but hasn't yet aired, depending how much time we have. One is about pulling pranks on local morning TV hosts during the Found tour; the other is about pulling pranks on my deaf mom when I was a kid.

SA: I'm pretty sure Dublit puts up a lot of readings and doesn't bleep anything out so people will be able to access it online in its full glory.

DR: Rad, will do!

SA: Anything else you'd like our audience to know?

DR: Come find me and talk to me before, during, or after the show so I can tell you the details of our super-secret after-party on August 16th, the night of the reading!

SA: You heard it here first folks.